


FEARS

by LoverOfWriting



Series: Malec: What our eyes didn't see (Codas) [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fears gone, First Time, Love, M/M, Malec, Malec as boyfriends, fears, lots of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:49:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11656305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoverOfWriting/pseuds/LoverOfWriting
Summary: After their first night together, Alec asks Magnus what is he afraid of. He's a powerful warlock. But even warlocks have fears, right?This is my view of Magnus' fears, based on that short sneak peek we've seen from episode 2x18.





	FEARS

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, loves! Here I am again, promtped by a scene that I don't know how's going to end yet. Ep 2x18 is going to be our demise!
> 
> Be how it'll be that ep, I hope you like this little fic. Come and tell me? It hasn't been beta-ed, so please be nice! :-)

 

  _"What are you afraid of?", Alec asks._

If it had been anyone else than Alec, Magnus would have nonchalantly answered some flippancy. He would have made a joke, made some story up, made some dismissive gesture.

But it had been Alec. The purest, more honest human being that Magnus has ever known.

 _"What am I afraid of?"_ , Magnus thinks, looking at Alec's huge, candid hazel eyes.

They have just spent their first night together. Honestly, if asked before, Magnus hadn't believed it could go so well.

More than well, in fact. He had been in love before, though Alec and he haven't still said the words. But this… This feeling he has for Alec, though, it's different. It's rare. It's new. It's precious.

The warlocks knows his heart. Alec's, however…

He knows that, for the young Shadowhunter, being in a relationship is very new. That Magnus is his first boyfriend. That, until some weeks ago, Alec had mistaken the love he feels for his parabatai with romantic love. That it's only right now, with Magnus, that he's discovering what that love means.

What desire means.

These words, these feelings, should not be something forbidden.

Not when you find the right person.

 

*****

 

That moment when Magnus realized that Alec wanted to go to bed with him, he was terrified. There were so many things that could go wrong!

But Alec didn't hesitate, when he threw himself into Magnus' arms. He had some notions of what sex implied, he might have been a virgin but he wasn't that naïve or clueless.

With fast, sure fingers, he unbuttoned Magnus' shirt, but he didn't take it off. Instead, he took his own t-shirt off, offering himself to Magnus. Like that day at the Institute, when he had been working up, and Magnus had appeared with that report, ogling Alec's chest with an intensity that even his glamored eyes couldn't hide.

In his room, Magnus stroked Alec's chest, with dainty fingers, his gaze following the path of his painted nails. Touching Alec as if the younger man was a antique and exquisite work of art.

_"What are you afraid of?", Alec had asked._

Magnus was afraid of Alec regretting his decision, backing off from his caresses, if Magnus touched him brusquely. If Magnus made the wrong movement.

But Alec had sought his lips again, eager for them, trapping Magnus' hands between their bodies.

They had moved to the bed without any hurry, mouth breathing in mouth, soul searching in soul.

Alec smiled a little when he saw the golden sheets.

Of course. So befitting. Because Magnus was gold to him.

They sat on the mattress, lost in each other's lips, wrapped in each other's arms, Magnus' hands roving over Alec's back, tracing his runes with knowing fingers. Alec shivered in pleasure when the nails run over his elasticity rune. Izzy had been so happy to draw that one on him.

Trembling, the young Shadowhunter attached his lips then to the soft tissues on Magnus' neck.

He always smelled so good, he thought, licking the tanned skin.

Magnus tasted so good.

Then, abruptly, the warlock let go off Alec, and turned away from him.

"Magnus? What happened?" His boyfriend asked, setting a careful hand on his shoulder.

Magnus shook his lowered head but didn't answer.

"Magnus… please, talk to me. Did I do anything wrong?" Alec insisted, worried.

Magnus turned then his head slowly towards him, eyes cast down. The _please_ from Alec a truly magic word.

"Sometimes… sometimes I get too excited." He whispered, his voice barely audible.

He lifted his gaze then, almost ashamed of himself. After only some kisses, he hadn't been able to refrain himself, and that, for a centuries old warlock, used to be in control of his magic, was a shock. A mistake.

Alec stayed there, beholding the miracle, speechless, for some seconds.

Magnus' eyes had lost his warm dark color and were shining gold.

Magnus began to turn his head away again, but Alec's hand flew on its own will and stopped the movement.

"They are beautiful." He mused, raking his brain for the right words. "Magnus, you are beautiful! Your mark… it only makes you more beautiful."

He chided himself for not finding more accurate adjectives. Words that could convince Magnus of how astonishing he found his true eyes.

But sometimes, when you are in front of a marvel, your mind just shuts down.

And, undeniably, Magnus, with his bronze toned body, his perfect features, his warm true eyes, and his kind soul, was one of the most splendid beings that Alec had ever seen.

So Alec let his body speak for him. He drew Magnus to his lips again, talking with them instead of with words.

_"What are you afraid of?", Alec had asked._

Magnus had been afraid, until then, of being rejected. As he had been by his stepfather, when Magnus was only 6 years old, and the man had called him an abomination. Just before Magnus turned him into a excessively done steak.

Being rejected by Alec would mean starting to build walls again.

Being rejected by Alec would mean closing himself to love again.

Being rejected by Alec would mean dealing with his self-doubting issues again.

Being rejected by Alec would mean losing a part of his heart. The part where Alec had settled himself in, without realizing, without any fuss.

But not only Alec hadn't rejected him. He had called him beautiful. He had looked at Magnus' true self with adoration, not revulsion or alarm.

With one kiss, Alec erased Magnus' fear of rejection.

 

*****

 

The night had been long and hot. Alec had proved being a fast learner in bed, and Magnus, a thorough and wise teacher.

The young Shadowhunter had thought that he lusted after Magnus, because, come on, how could he not. Since the night he had helped to heal Luke, and their drinks together, when the warlock's see-through attire had set Alec's insides on flames.

But that last night, in Magnus's bed, in Magnus' arms, Alec had discovered what making love really meant.

They had fallen asleep late, Alec's long arms enveloping his warlock boyfriend as he didn't want to let him go.

 _"What are you afraid of?"_ , _Alec had asked._

Magnus had been afraid that Alec, once that the passion was over, dressed up again and went back to the Institute. The step being reached, there was no need for Alec to stay there.

But he stayed the whole night.

With one hug, Alec erased Magnus' fear of sleeping alone again.

 

*****

 

The morning lights covered the room with a tawny veil, setting softly on the golden sheets and their occupants.

Magnus had been awake for a while, listening to Alec's rhythmic breath and the dim, steady beating of his heart. Alec's hard shoulder wasn't the best pillow you could find, but the warlock wouldn't have changed it for the world.

"Good morning", Alec's raspy morning voice said at last.

"Good morning", Magnus smiled.

For a moment, Magnus' heart stopped, when he heard Alec say that he had to be at the Institute.

So… was it going to be like that? Alec leaving in the morning quickly, his duty more important that the man that had shown him a new world?

_What are you afraid of?", Alec had asked._

"Just joking!" Alec grinned, amused.

And Magnus relaxed immediately, smiling at his own doubts. Alec was a soldier, his work important, his life busy. But in that moment, nothing but his boyfriend existed.

With a happy smile, Alec erased Magnus' fear of insignificance. Of being second plate in Alec's life.

 

*****

 

 _"What am I afraid of?",_ Magnus thinks, engraving Alec's profile in his mind.

_I'm afraid of this. Of you._

_Of having you and then losing you._

_Of trusting you and being betrayed._

_Of falling in love and not being loved in return._

_Of being your first but not your last._

_Of us wanting different things and not being able to reconcile our needs._

_Of having your body but not your heart._

_Of giving you my heart._

_Of living without you._

 

*****

 

_"What are you afraid of?", Alec asks._

And Magnus, for the first time in his life, doesn't know how to answer.

He just buries his head in the crook of Alec's neck, inhaling his scent, and wraps his arms around him.

And Alec understands. He holds the warlock in his arms, intertwining their fingers over his body, while the morning lights invade their minds and sweep their apprehensions away.

There are a lot of things that they can be afraid of. But as long as they are together, they can fight the fears.

Together.

 

 

 


End file.
